Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Defeated but not out!!!!

The time spent on this journey has been at its best enlighting and at the worst severe depression. Leaving the NWT to travel to the Yukon was a stepping stone to the present. NWT offered me so much of the past. A simpler life and a breed of people who still hold to their traditions. A gentle people misunderstood by the outside world.I was one of those who didnt understand their old fashioned ways and their attempt to move into the 21 century. Funny thing is I seen no problems with the culture and their beliefs and their lifestyles. A people whos survival is from the land and the sea. For those who criticize their methods of killing and substaining a food lifestly for their survival. Those who do criticize dont understand that they kill for their own consumptions and a meger living is eeked out in the pelts and meat that they sel to others. This is no different then any culture or country in the entire world. The Inuit are an amazing people . They opened their arms and homes to Myself and Vey. They allowed our ignorance in and did their uptmost to include and promote their ways with ourselves.

Leaving the NWt and heading to the Yukon was a step forwards. A more modern city, weather not as hostile and the environment of the peole a drastic change to the white mans cultures and ways. A few days into the stay there Vey returned to his own city and i was to remain and to discover for myself and to relax and reflect . The most amazing part was not the cold nights, the snow and rain but the amazing early morning daylight rises. 3 mornings in a row i was up at before 4 am and went outside in the cold and just sat and looked in wonderment of the breathtaking sun rise. Its the simplest things in life that we should step back and focus on. I left a hectic very stressful job in the city to go to the allmost wilderness setting. A touch of the old and a mix of the new/Not a large city at all, the size that I most feel comfortable in. A place where time heals all wounds and prepared me for a renewal of life and understanding.

The yime came to leave Whitehorse and head to the pacific coast , yes travelling through Alaska, but we wont mention that foreign country. I boarded a medium size charter boat to take a boat ride down the pacific coast to Prince Rupert BC. Ok for most who know me , i do not really have the heart for the water. But it was a trip worth taking. Unfortunatly I did get sea sick for the entire time on the trip. But being out in the ocean or the strait I suppose they would call it was another way of commuting with the basics again" A fragile vessil which at any time could be a victim to the waters. a risk I took knowing of the fear I have of the water. Even though The water produced such amazing scenery and all I still could not wait till I was to reach land again. Arriving saturday back on land was a huge relief. I had booked ahead for a cottage for a week. Not knowing if I stay there that long. This trip has been somewhat planned due to the fact that this is northern Canada and the transportation is limited . So you must plan to the air flights around and go from there. Arriving in BC allows me more freedom on the time I have to be next. Land travel will be the next mode.

An unfortunate event occured on sunday that has left me somewhat saddened and at the best have had to admit defeat. The trip was suppose to be for Vey and myself but that relationship ended before the journey began. Im just grateful he spent the first 9 days in the arctic with me. A time for us to re examine the purposes we both have and wish for in the future. A bit of food poising and being sea sick has left me in a depressed mood. I had finally came to realize that the journey had ended and it was time to return to home. After day long calls and reassurances from Vey that he would be joining me in BC next monday, left hope that maybe I could complete this journey . Still saddened and homesick im going to stick it out day by day. The final destination will be Halifax on June 17th. At this time with or without my visa I will be leaving for Tenerife.

The thing I have learnt the most on this journey is that I am a strong person and after taking care of myself for so long I can continue to take care. Taking a risk that I never would have dreamt that iI would have made a few years back has amazed myself at the best of times. This trip was only about getting away from everyone and everything. Relax and catch my second wind before I make the final move. To Luke and Mik Australia is still in my sights so dont you worry. Its been a place Ive wanted to move to for a long time and I will always strive to get there. Being still close to my home country is the reason that I chose Tenerife and the fact that i will be staying with relatives was a deciding factor. Canada is a great country to live in and Im very proud to be a Canadian. But to grow ahead I would like to widen my horozon somewhere else and then when the day comes that I return to Canada , there will be more love and respect and admiration for my home.

Now as for The hawks game, whether we win or loose in tonites game does not matter the journey for my favorite hockey team has been at the best exciting watching a new team rise and show to all that they are back. Good luck guys....win or loose keep your heads hanging high

.......

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Hoping the end justifies the means

The sky is blue the sky is white. But from time to time the sky can be black. Whichever the colour should be is the one that defines our lives and space and eternities. It has been awhile since Ive had the urge or want to sit down and write. So many things have come and gone since the last. Whether it has been a thought or whether it has been a blog a diary a story we all have to tell., the importance does not matter. Our lives are defined by our past our present and the outcome reflects our futures. In life we have many choices we can make. We can choose to take the road with the straightest path or like most we take the road with the curves bumps and detours. Ive always taken the second. Left choice to the wind and seen where it would take me. Roads are only as good as we make them. Using good quality material and skill to make them or using substandard material and shady labour.

My road has been winding and rough at the best of times. Ive made many choices that were not always the smartest but Ive always fixed that which I have created. Its my belief that that we only grow by our experiences and that we can do nothing but grow from them. I have been there and done that. But as we all grow older and maturer we seek out the things in life that makes us stronger, happy and wiser. I am on that journey now. My career goals have not changed but have been temporarily put on hold. Realizing that it was my time now to make my mark and find out where I fit in this world. I pulled up my roots and stakes and have gone on a wild journey of discovery. Some might say running from things others would say running toward others. Ive chosen to discover the country in which I was born. Canada. A big vast country with plenty of area untamed and known.

After a less then disspointing breakup , A side trip to a even bigger journey , has begun. It was not to the final moments that a friend I had planned this trip with decided to join me for part of the trip. We left our home city to go to a city totally foreign and unknown to both. A culture shock is an understantement. Armed with our suitcases and phones we began a 9 day trip together in the North West Territories. For thos not famaliar with this place its 250 miles south of the Arctic Circle.Mostly barren land and Mostly Aboriginals peoples, it was a perfect beginning to the trip. A time to wind down from the city and fast paced life to that which we have all become accustomed to. With no outside communication but our Blackberrys,we seen the side of life I never knew existed. The customs of our northern relatives has been exactly what ive been looking for , for so long. Peace tranqulity and understanding. This time together let my friend and myself find out if there was to be a furture for ourselves.

Waking every morning to a beautiful sunrise is waht life is all about. An angelic start and beginning to our days. Have you ever looked at someone for ever and not said a thing. The messages being conveyed through their eyes and faces. As one looks longer at the face I discovered that the question I had been asking was always there for me to see. To stop loking past things but directly into them , finally told me that no matter what i did and how hard I tried to make things right and work, the face told me different. Not a look of hatred or fear but a look saying that as in all friendships we grow and move on. The relationship that begun was a risk we both took after being friends for 6 years before. Falling in love complicated things and changed all the dynamics. I now can say that it was neithers fault for the falling away from each other. We both knew deep down that the thing which we had created was the same thing that we both tore apart.

As the week had passed and the next leg of the journey began It was time for the other to depart and return to their home. The final seconds together in Whitehorse is that conversation and expressions that say its been a good ride but its time to move on. As i said my goodbyes A tear did arrise. Nothing has been closed and whatever shall happen , shall happen. This jouney has taught me to say what i mean and mean what I say. When oneselves makes decisions for themselves its much easier then making those same decisions when others are involved.

THE THINGS IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR HAVE BEEN IN FRONT OF ME ALL THE TIME...... It finally occured to me the above. Friends and family are the uptmost importance to us all. A friend said that the most important thing in his life is his family. He values the institution and I only wish that I had the same that he does. Things have occured that its my friends that I hold the highest in importance. Friends of many types make me a well rounded soul. I do not make judgement on others to the lives that which they lead. Its up to each of us to pull from everyone things that we desire. Are we going though life looking for friendship. love of others or Love of our selves. Ive never placed names into situations for I so respect others privacies. Another friend is stuck between the past and the future not sure what the present holds for themsleves. I also am in this situation. I shall take what time is needed to find what Im looking for. We can not put a time limit of this for if we do we end up no further then when we started.

Spring is time for renewal and hope for a better year ahead. Yukon is so different then the North West Territory. A step forward in time. As each part of the journey happens , its one step closer to that which I seek and shall find.. I just watched this movie. If you get a chance watchit. It answered many questions for me....



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bucket_list


More to come......

Friday, December 26, 2008

HO HO HO....Watch where your going their rudolph. No one likes a smart ass. Yeah yeah yeah...and a few snorts. Typical drivers now a days. Loose the i pod, cell phone and maybe watch the road. As drivers now a days we have way to many distractions and need to get back to the basics and focus on the journey ahead of us. A journey that has many twists and turns, maybe a bit of black ice. The odd puddle, to kick up on the poor sucker walking the sidewalk as i floor the tires through it.

Where was it , that exact moment when things changed , changes that no longer co exist with life. What happened to the innocense of our young and our caring for our elders. How is it that we let the stupid things in life go ahead and the important and meaningful things get left behind. Life is like an auto , add things to speed us up and out do others. Why do we do these upgrades when at most times we cant use them. Why not focus our time and effort on more important stable things in our lives.

A home is a beginning to out adult life. A statue be it may to show to others , a place to call home and a structure to make us solid. A house had 4 walls a roof and a foundation. The four walls are love,health,strength and courage. The basement is the foundation on which we place the 4 walls/ When we get the walls assembled we need a roof to shelter the peace and tranquility of tha which we have built. 4 walls are pointless unless they have a solid foundatin to sit on. What do we build the foundation with. Dirt? Wood?or Stone?

The answer is in your self to decide .Does one want to build on dirt knowing that it only takes one storm to come in and weaken it. Or wood that overtime is undermined and weakened to the point of collapse. I choose cement. A mixture of dirt sand and stone. A foundation to allow me to build my 4 walls . Ive built the last 3 foundations on unsolid ground and sat by and watched the foundation crack and the walls weaken. The cracks became too many and the walls came down one by one. Time never allowed myself to put a roof on the house. Always a work in progress but a progress that became futile and the came crumbling down.

One last time i build a soild base and started on the walls.the health wall went up fast, strength wall to follow. The courage wall was a challenge , but the hardest wall for us all to build is the wall of love. I think the materials I used in this wall were less then standard and fearing a storm i hurried to get that roof on. Hurring thru things always have the same consequences and results. Might look firm but give it time and then things begin to unfold. Does one go to the safety of the basement as the walls come tumbling down or do we run away as fast as we can. Most of choose to run away as fast as we can but this final time i decided to go to the basement and seek shelter. My base was solid and I knew that it would hold me firm even as the walls came tumbling down.

So i sit in the rubble now looking to the stars above. Destruction of emotions words and tears, but still holding firm to the base that which i created. Do i sit and wait for others to clear the debris or do I take the bulls by the horns and dig myself out of the rubble. Well i choose the second and I am here to tell you all that the debris is allmost removed. My foundation in tact. Now its time to ask for help to start the walls again. Will you help me build. Will you give the health,strength and the courage to help. I can supply the love and the house well be done as follows.

I need a solid house to place my roof on so this time i will make sure that I just do that.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A TIME FOR CHANGE

CHANGE......Finally the thing we strive in life for has arrived. CHANGE...watching the unfolding events in the last 90 days has shown us all the vulnerbility and the fragile civilization we all live in. The changing winds of life,worlds,economies,politics. When the new year began did anyone of us see the winds coming at us in gale force strengths. Who would have ever dreamt that in 10 months we would all be changed for ever. No way to go back and repair or change what had become.

CHANGE.... Goals dreamed of and inspired to go after...shattered in one swoop from the gavel,closing bell or the swish of a pen. How is it that no one forecasted the severe storm heading our way. Why did the forecasters not see it coming. How can the odds makers in Vegas know the outcome of events but our weatherman did not see it or is it that they didnt want to see it. The excues laid upon the people no longer cut it. To think that the average person would close their eyes or turn their backs to the events happening and hitting us hard...No we didnt. We rose to the occasion and spoke our minds , casted our vote, wrote our words, got the word out.

CHANGE...Speech!!!! I will let my voice be heard. Hear me out or turn away. My time has come to voice out loud. To those who wish for my voice to stay silent. No more. No way, im not turning back.. Join me for the trip or cast me aside. No matters to me anymore. To the ones who see me as a slab of meat. No more ,no way. I have a voice a heart and soul.


CHANGE

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Where the paths trails and roads will take us....

Looking up in the sky , seeing the bright blue against the fluffy white clouds, catching the odd coloured leaf falling from the tree and the hints of the seson of change. Season of change. Yes it is Fall. Its a time to get rid of the old and get ready for the new. We gather our nuts so to speak to get ready for the long and grinding winter season.

Well also the changes of the season is a change of the human spirit and mind. Not casting aside the season, but realizing that its time to move ahead . Life brings so many good things and make it pleasing to the mind and soul for them. Change........had someone tell me the other day that I concentrate on the past. My thinking and reply was that the past held all I would have for family...no family present or future. Theres just some things that one cant change. But dont think for a second I didnt take it to heart but I also stepped back and looked at what had been and what I was becoming, A soul some would say lost but a soul trying to move ahead...

Decisions..so many decisions . Its like the ice cream store so many flavours I like but only one I can choose. Too many flavours on the same cone takes away the unique taste of a single kind. So its like life. Does one juggle 5000 things at once accomplishing nothing or taking ! task at hand and getting thru it and moving on to the next. Funny simple words and advice can and do make a change. I was told to take baby steps and not get to confident and try and take giant leaps. Its the giant leaps that wear you out the fastest and land you in the deepest holes. Yep... took a few giant steps but Im back to the baby steps.

Does that friend , the friend who doesnt judge but lends a ear and advice, deserve the recognition he or she deserves. Hell yes. Whether they accept the recognition and thanks is their choice to make. They always feel and say that it was nothing but it is something. Does the person who just kind of stumbles upon one others life deserve the right to learn about them or do I just wing it thru and hopefully maybe they wont catch on to what it is all about. Hell yes. How does one expect to move on, gain valueable life skills and friendships and loves if one doesnt take the time to know the others past.

I made the biggest mistake with a loved one by not opening my true inner self to that loved one.Hoping that we could build a future on nothing but the present and the future. Hell was I wrong. The past still controls us and the old saying is, Dont forget the past or you will be condemed to repeat it. So the next time someone speaks to you, curiously asks about yourself, dont feel as I have in the past to let the event pass one by. Let the other person know your roots and also take interest and ask the other person their past. One doesnt have to dive into the personal stuff, but a brief description on who one is and what their goals and asspirations are.

A path leads in one direction depending on the way your face is headed. Strait ahead. Always head ahead and never turn around , for when you turn around you are also heading ahead. Just ahead in the wrong direction.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Total amazement

Like millions of others in the world today ive been afixed to the television watching the Beijing Olympics. Cheering for my countries athletes, feeling their glory and their agony of defeat. As a Canadian Im proud at what our nation has achieved on the world stage. In science medicine technology humanitarian evelopment and know our sports. It wasnt 1 day into the olympics and i sit in front of the tv and see on the net and on the news. Our kids are fat and lazy> they show no motivation to be an olympic athlete. They would rather sit in their rooms and play tv games and watch tv.

Well Like many other canadians I was outraged. Who is this person to judge others. To make a statement and politicize it so much was an embarassement to canadians and to the world. The olympics have become what we said would never happen. A personal platform for the athletes to become rich and endorsed. What happened to the olympic ideal. Where did the true spirit of the games go. How has sports become so much more important then that unemployed person struggling to keep his family afloat. To that family who lost everything in either flood fire or storm.

I as an sportsman never let the sport I played ruled my life but enhance my life. Shape my goals and aspirations of true team spirit and unity. To that athlete who I shall not name , when you competed in your event and missed the winning line by miles , a feeling of joy overwhelmed me, thinking you got exactly as you deserved. Arrogance has no place in todays society. As others struggle , an athlete should set an example. Not dictate to the masses his beliefs. Even though you redeemed yourself the next event and listening to your excuses of what happened the previous day gives me no comfort or gratification that your sour words will stay with me . Not your arrogant spiteful dictative words. Shame on you and others alike that profess to be above the rest of us.

And those who brodcast negative pictures and words re garding the chinese people , you might want to step back a bit and examine your own countries standards and treatment of your citizens. Shame on you all. Havent we all meddled enough in other peoples affairs. I think we are all guilty of this and should clean up our own backyards before we tell others how to clean up theirs.


1 pissed off Canadian

Friday, November 23, 2007

NO MORE, NOT ANY MORE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOXi_ByXrPw

When you lose your love
And it makes your life turn cold
When it tears you apart
Your heart and soul just can't go on
When love's alive, it sets you free
When it's gone, it's plain to see
How even love can become a lethal weapon
When you lose control
And you scare yourself sometimes
When you really don't care, yeah
That your life is on the line
No one outside can understand
You take your life in your own hands
And even love can become a lethal weapon
Killing you, that's the last thing love
Was ever meant to do
Become a lethal weapon
You know there is no hope of breaking free
And what you suffer happily
That's when love itself becomes
A lethal weapon